Kaisler the cop dog

20.08.2019, to see all post click here.

I was reading this article: "Czech mates: Why so many of the world's best police dogs hail from overseas" and I find the whole situation quite funny so I wrote a short story imaging small town cop in USA buying a dog that can only speak czech.

The buy

There was only one person that Jon trusted without questions - his four legged partner Kaiser. Over the last three years they have been through countless life and death situations patrolling the streets of Oakland.

The partnership was not always perfect, Jon remembered the day the first day with Kaiser. Chris - sergeant of the K9 unit seemed to be quite worry of the man supplying the dogs.

"You see, Jon, we got hit by the cuts hard, we had to look for a new supplier we could not longer afford the upstate dog farm... So you see I got a bit creative, there was this guy on a Craigslist... He calls himself Shake or maybe Svejk? Who cares. Anyway here is three hundred bucks, don't pay the guy before he shows you the dog. I think he is some soviet bum, you know how it is with these people..."

That was how Jon found himself facing this fat unshaven hobo character in Walnut’s creek's only pub.

"Máš money? Peníze? Kámo cash only, nejsem banka, na karty ti seru!" Jon was not exactly sure what language this was but he spend enough time on the street to know that the man wants to haggle.

"Can he smell them Mexicans? We train our dogs to smell them at fifty yards! If he can't even find a crying chica what use is he to us? Two hundred and i want to see some papers!"

"Mexikáns, cígoše. Smells all, very good dog , všechno vyčmuchá. tree hungred, ať nežeru! Moje mum velmi ill!" All was good, Jon knew that when mothers are being mentioned he can push it 250 at most.

"Two hundred twenty and I want to see his cocaine sniffing tests!"

"Dopíči jakej kokajn? Mám jenom piko, no koks, nemám, NEIN COCAIN! Good dog! Guard dog. Iron Curtain! Soviet Russia!! Too hungred sevinty!"

"I want to see his papers! Whats the genetic make up? Two hundred thirty!" Jon sure did not know what these genes are or but it sounded scientific so it must have intimidated this bun.

"Genetika super! Cista rasa! Pure German blood! Best genetik! Tvo hunred forfy!"

"Deal." Jon was quite happy with the price, he was less happy when this Shveyk demanded that they confirm the sale by handshake full of spit. He made a mental note to get himself tested for tuberculosis but he was happy to leave with Kaiser and my little pony paper folder with documentation.

Back home he was facing with quite a situation. No matter what command the dog ignored him completely! "Sit!", "Bark", "Donut", nothing worked liked it should! He even tried different accents, watched a youtube clip of some Russian dude speaking with dog, nothing worked!